Alone
by Xandman
Summary: Xander feels alone.


Title: Alone  
Author: Xandman2000  
E-Mail: xandman2000@y...  
Disclaimer: If I owned Buffy I'd be in a bubble filled hot tub drinking champagne with various models. And since I don't do that…I don't own Buffy. But one can dream can't they.   
Rating: Standard Buffy stuff.  
Author's Notes: Takes place during Season Six.  
Summary: Uh…it's short and angst filled.  
Feedback: Loved it? Hated it? Let me know.  
  
Alone  
  
  
I sit here in my apartment.  
  
Alone.  
  
It's been like that for a week now. I've lost everyone I hold near and dear.  
  
But this time, the Hellmouth had nothing to do with it. It was all me. It's my fault.  
  
It started after Buffy died. The second she died I lost a piece of myself, a large piece of my heart and soul. Anya tried to help me get through it. I loved her for it. But she didn't get it. She could never understand how much I loved Buffy. I tried moving on with Anya, but my heart still screamed her name.  
  
Then she came back. I felt like I was whole again. I started spending more time with her and Dawn. Anya got jealous. She told me not to spend so much time with Buffy, but I didn't listen. I felt that I couldn't because I didn't want to go another day without seeing  
Buffy. I realized when she died, she could be gone in a snap again.  
  
Anya left me a few days after. Anya told me to stop seeing Buffy so much. She left me. I can't say I blame her. She left for NYC. She wanted to start a new life.  
  
After some time grieving the relationship I decided to do something. I decided to tell Buffy how I felt again. I wanted to tell her I loved her. I met her last week for lunch to talk to her. That's when everything blew up in my face.  
  
***One week ago***  
  
I arrived at Buffy's nervously. I knocked on the door and Dawn answered.  
  
"Hey Xand," Dawn said. "You look like you are nervous about something."  
  
"Me. No. I'm calm cool and collective," I reply.  
"You are to nervous."  
  
"Okay," I whisper. "I'm taking Buffy to lunch and I'm going to tell her how I feel."  
  
"No wonder you are so nervous. Come on in."  
  
I go in and sit on the couch. My knee bounces nervously.  
  
"I'll go get Buffy," Dawn tells me.  
  
Ten minutes later, Buffy comes down the stairs.  
  
"Wow Buffy," I say as I stand "You look great."  
  
She was wearing blue jeans and a white sweater. She looks at what she's wearing.  
  
"This thing?"  
  
I grin. "You ready for some lunch?"  
  
"Just let me get my purse."  
  
She grabs it and we go eat. I decided to wait until desert to tell her. The waiter brings us a cup of ice cream.  
  
"So why did you want to take me to lunch? I have a feeling that you wanted to talk to me about something."  
  
"How did you know?"  
  
"You didn't take anyone else and Dawn was acting weird. I put two and two together."  
  
"Okay," I say. I put down the spoon. "Buffy, there's something I've been meaning to tell you for a long time now."  
  
She looks at me attentively.  
  
I take a deep breath. "Buffy, since the day I met you, I've been in love with. At first, it was just puppy love. But as time progressed, it became more than that. When you died, I felt like someone ripped out my heart and soul. I had lost the will to live. When you came back, I felt whole again. You're the best thing in my life. Without you in my life, I don't know what I would do. I love you Buffy. I always have and always will."  
  
"I love you too Xander," she said.  
  
I start to smile.  
"But…," she continued.  
  
My smile fell.  
  
"I just don't feel the same way. You are a great guy Xand. But I think this sudden need to tell me how you feel has something to do with Anya leaving."  
  
"No," I say.  
  
"Yes Xander. It does. You just want to be with someone. You just don't want to be alone. I don't want to be your rebound girl."  
  
"You wouldn't be," I told her.  
  
She stands up. "Xand. I know you say that. I just don't want to take the chance that I'd hurt you and you would leave. I need you."  
  
"Buffy…"  
  
She turns and leaves.  
  
A few days ago, I got a call from Willow. They needed me to help research the new big bad in town. I told them I wasn't feeling well. I didn't feel like playing Research Boy again.  
  
So I sit alone in my apartment. Anya's gone. Willow is busy with Tara and stuff. Giles has the shop to deal with, and I don't feel like dealing with Buffy.  
  
My phone rings, but I just let it ring. Eventually the machine picks it up.  
  
"Xander," Buffy's voice says. "I haven't heard from you in days. Are you okay? I'm worried about you. We're all going to the Bronze tonight. We hope you come. We all miss you. See you later?"  
  
The machine clicks off. I stand up and hit a button on the answering machine and head to my room to go to sleep.  
  
"YOU'RE MESSAGE HAS BEEN ERASED," the machine says.  
  
End… 


End file.
